You know you have felt it. It touches the core of your being. Now here you are actually are seeking it.

This page is for those that are just dipping a toe into the life, safe is always best, be it risk aware or ssc, all work for differnt people at different stages, once you are a bonded pair, be it with a ring or a collar, many things change, but as a general rule of thumb, be smart, be safe, and enjoy what your going after. We could go on forever on what all you need, but lets start with a few things that are food for thought.

What are you really looking for and what will you find? You seek the wonder of it all. How do you feel when you watch a video or see a magazine spread? Someone bound, their eyes wide with pleasure and fear. One person in control and completely dominating the actions of the other. It seems the dominant knows just what to do. So, the day has come and you have convinced your mate to try this. Your fantasy is now a possibility and soon a reality. BUT WAIT! Should you spend a lot of money on a ton of expensive sex toys or can you improvise what you need?

If you don't think this through you can expect the following scenario: You or your mate is tied way too tight! Certain appendages are going from an ugly shade of blue to a very electric red-violet (yes there is a crayon this color!). You spent over $100.00 on this really sexy black leather whip and your ungrateful partner doesn't seem to be REALLY enjoying this. It is getting harder with each passing minute to claim those are screams of delight! Ok, where is that feeling of absolute power and submission that you have heard so much about? Hell, where is the arousal and the passion, the sensuality, the erotic bond? Screw that…where the hell is the door??!!!!

Now that you have lived through a typical first scene, let's be smart and play safe and see if we can't make this something everyone might really enjoy! If you try this without knowing what you are doing, no one will be happy, no one will be sated, and you will be lucky if it's not REALLY REALLY quiet around your place for at least a few days. If you would like to dispense with the "I just can't believe you would actually…" discussions while you put the toys away to gather dust and cobwebs stay with me for a while and let me help. Tip One: If you get to this point and think "I will never, ever do this again. " WRONG the desire just gets stronger and the need to experience it all becomes overwhelming.

Let's start slow and save you hours of grief later. First please realize that your desires are normal. You are not alone and this is not a "sickness". You have become attracted to an "alternative lifestyle". To work you must have one to feed from the power and one to offer the power. Have I lost you? This is truly a symbiotic relationship Master-slave, Dom-sub, Mistress-slave, Dominatrix-sub or Top-bottom. The power and the submission are intoxicating and real.

Start your list; we can check it twice if we need later in our discussion.

What brought you here? Time to be completely honest with WHAT TURNS YOU ON! If you are still referring to genitalia as "down-there" you aren't ready for this! Close your eyes (if you can look at your partners responses) and say three things (yes out loud) that arouse you.

a. What clothes excite you? Let's play a bit and get naked a little later. What does he/she wear that makes you think of SEX? If you could dress him/her in ANYTHING what would it be?
b. Sometimes it really is all "Location, Location, and Location". If you have always wanted to have sex bent over the dining room table and toss the Waterford crystal on the tile, say so now. Then be realistic.
c. What toys or tools will you use? What do they cost? Can I make something by myself and save some money?
d. What actions (sexually) work for both of you? Do you like role-play? Forced sex? Bondage? Be honest and open!

a. Imagine the scene. Yes, the actual layout, the lights and even the smells. Make your mental picture say it out loud and diagram it if necessary.
b. Discuss what will take place and don't be too clinical. This is a great chance to see if your fantasy arouses your partner. Look in their eyes, hold their hand and for God's sake let's not discuss this over the telephone while your partner is at work. (We can save that bit of torture for another session!)
c. Words are powerful tools; use them wisely, which leads back to talking. If you get excited calling him/her names and that makes him/her mad. YOU LOSE, thank you for playing, please pick up your version of the Home Bondage Game on your way to the door. However, if he/she knows this excites you and why it can have a profound effect.
d. Share one secret about what really excites you. Is it the control or the helplessness? Describe it to your partner.

a. I cannot stress enough the importance of communication. If you don't have it, get it or hang up your flogger.
b. There are not a lot of things that can go wrong if you are consenting adults with some intelligence and a Master (pun intended) plan.

Last, but most important: Set a SAFE word. One word to stop the scene (and don't use "stop") such as RED. Use of this one word must immediately stop all play. The safe word indicates that your partner is hurt/frightened or can't continue at this time. The reasons are fuel for discussion…later. Never break your partners trust and ignore this word or I'll personally have you flogged six ways from Sunday!